So – breastfeeding is hard. Like – really hard. This isn’t an amazing revelation. I breastfed Blake Dean for 8 months, so I speak from experience when I say there were days I nearly had a nervous breakdown from the stress of on-call, on-demand feeding. I couldn’t go out. I couldn’t have a drink unless I had enough milk saved up before hand. On top of the stress of being a new mom, it was an absolute killer.
Still, I know that there are benefits to breastfeeding. I definitely think it had a lot to do with how healthy Blake has been since he was born. I can literally count on one hand the number of times he’s had a fever, or even a “bad” cold. Breastfeeding is good for a baby’s immune system – I get it. And I definitely want to give that gift of health and closeness to Rhett, as well.
The thing is – damn, I’m tired. This kid is eating all day long. In his first week out of the hospital, he gained nearly a pound and grew an inch. I’m about to go crazy with the constant nursing … and what I want more than anything is just to be able to take a walk and not worry about getting back before he’s hungry again. (I could also do with a stiff drink but that’s another story.)
Anyway, my point is that it’s been less than two weeks, and I’m already considering supplementing his breastmilk with formula. I want to make it clear that I don’t want to stop breastfeeding completely – I just need help picking up the slack. I feel like I simply can’t keep up. I can’t pump enough to get ahead of the game. He’s an absolute milk animal.
I guess I feel guilty about this. Like – tremendously so. Is it horrible to supplement this early? Am I horrible to need a bit more freedom this time around? It feels like it.