We were in San Diego this weekend, and the hotel pool was top of the list for my monsters. That seems easy and fun, but even the thought of having to wear a bathing suit makes my chest feel like it’s going to burst to the sky with anxiety. So I was in the bathroom putting on my suit … nearly in tears and completely frozen in having to go out in public with this body of mine. And then Blake walked in and said, “Mom. I love your bathing suit. I wish you would wear it more often.” And then he hugged me like I was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.
Children see the beauty in the places we tear ourselves apart. It surprises me every single time because I can’t even remember a time I saw the world that way. People say you need to love yourself before anyone else can love you. But sometimes seeing yourself through someone else’s eyes can help you see the beauty you didn’t even know was there.
As part of my “shine” year I was committing to focusing on mental health awareness. With work and other stressful stuff I haven’t been able to focus on that as much as I wanted to. So this is my offering. A moment of truth, and a moment of beauty. Funny how the two often travel together.
There is a favorite poem that says, “You, whose voice is someone’s favorite voice. Nothing would be the same if you did not exist.” (jamie tworkowski). But it’s so much more than that. You, whose arms are someone’s favorite arms. *Whose BODY is someone’s favorite body.* You are someone’s favorite reason to be alive.
It can be difficult to remember when work is hard, or your marriage is broken, or your kids are sick, or you still struggle with body image issues 15 years after “recovering for good.” But that doesn’t make it any less true.